FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

August 12, 2015

Eyes. They say they are the seat of the soul. Rene' Descartes believed it to be the point of connection between the intellect and the body. He believed that it was a single part in the brain rather than one-half of a pair. What happens to a person when they lose the ability to see from their eyes? I have heard it said that a person's other senses heighten to make up for the loss of another sense. So, will the "third eye" function in that very way? Will it allow a person to "see" in other ways...other spiritual ways perhaps?

I recently was diagnosed with a rare eye disease called Macular Telangiectasis. I was told by my eye specialist that there isn't much known about it because it is so rare that not many studies have been done. So it seems that there is not much to do in terms of therapy or treatment because of the lack of knowledge regarding this disease. I was told to just take eye vitamins and that it was a slow progressing disease with only 1 in 10 people actually getting to the stage of macular degeneration. But how do you know if you are the "one" or the "ten"? And what do you do each day when you realize that numbers are becoming harder to distinguish and you are not seeing as well as you used to at night?

I feel at this point a sense of urgency in my life. I feel like I need to see and do everything that I have put off before. Yet, there is the reality associated with the reasons why I haven't done some of those things up to this point in my life. Life seems to have a way with dictating what you really need to do and when. My mother is at a point in her life that she needs more care and so I tend to remain closer to home in case she needs me. It is just "the right thing to do" as a former friend once said to me. Then, there is always the money not being there when you need it to be. Just minor issues really though. I feel as though there are so many things to be thankful for. I do hope that I do not pose a problem to those around me in terms of care. I hope to always remain independent. My Aunt Betty has macular degeneration and she has always been an inspiration to me. She has not allowed her blindness to control her or make her feel like she is a victim. It is hard not to mourn the loss of something that is such an integral part of your body: your ability to see. But I suppose it is not as necessary as one may think.

I read a passage from the bible (Matthew 6: 22,23) that reads: The lamp of the body is the eye. If, then, your eye is simple, your whole body will be bright; but if your eye is wicked, your whole body will be dark. if in reality the light that is in you is darkness, how great that darkness is." To me, I see this as saying that what is inside of us is of so much more importance. Do we harbor hatred, bitterness, jealousy, etc.? Forgiveness seems to be of utmost importance in this case. And if you can't verbalize that forgiveness or you can't make amends with someone? Does that put you in a place of emptiness and heartache? I am of the feeling that if a person has a genuine feeling of forgiveness inside of them, that is all that matters. It is never to late to send lovely thoughts out to the universe and forgive others for what you do not understand. Isn't that line that the Beatles sang just so true? "All you need is love"!

Some things I will miss if I happen to lose my eyesight. Gardening, making art, watching the birds eat seed from the feeders, watching a good movie and really appreciating the beauty of the scenery and the artistry with which it is made. Also, seeing my friends faces again. Some friends I haven't seen for over six years now and I'm sure things have really changed for them. But, those things have happened and I already wasn't there to "see" them so I can adjust to that. I was just always in hopes of making amends and seeing each other again. And forgetting all that has transpired in these last six years. I can always hope. And if not, I can still send my thoughts to them no matter what. And...a friend recently told me that I can take up sculpting in clay or some other form of art that I have never explored when I can feel what I am making rather than see it. There are so many ways to adjust. And, if indeed the eyes are the seat of the soul, I think that I will have a better time seeing what is on the inside of me when I am not distracted by what is outside of me.

Life has a way of working out. And, we are humans. We will always have suffering. But there is always happiness and love on the other side of the coin. Without the suffering, we cannot experience the joy. I think I will always remember what red looks like. I will always be able to feel the yellow of the sun on my skin. I know I will always be able to see the green grass when I smell it being freshly mowed. The green of the pine tree will always be present in my memory when the sun warms the pitch and the wind blows the scent into the house. The Finches will always remain bright yellow at my bird feeder; the hummingbird will always glisten in the sunshine when it buzzes the feeder. 

Certain things will remain the same. Some of them will change. But...as I was told once about six years ago: Change is good. I am open to what may come.