THE MAGIC UNFOLDS

This house, this wonderful house built for our family with the hands of my husband, will soon not belong to us. In some ways, this saddens me. In others, it invigorates me.

I think of all the memories that we have made here: we raised our twins here, ate at this dining room, opened gifts in this living room, made chocolate chip cookies every time it snowed in this kitchen together. I planted trees, bushes and flowers that my grandmother passed down to me at this house. I'm sure a few starts will make it over to the new house when we move...just as a reminder. We laughed here, we cried here, we celebrated and grew here.

But things change as we grow. We change as well. We find ourselves wanting different things from life: less isolation, more stimulation, closer proximity to restaurants and art galleries and the ability to save more money with rising gas prices. Walking distance to stores and parks. And then there is family.

Family for me is the driving factor. B and I would do anything for our family. And I mean that. We drove 45 minutes in one direction for over 2 years to watch Natalie while her parents worked. And, we will be doing that again for the new baby. But, this time we will be closer.

I am thrilled that we get to be a part of our children's lives daily. We don't have the constraints of a job or a need to be someplace at a certain time each day. So, we will be able to give much love and attention to our new grand baby. I think of all the possibilities that await us in our new home. New gardens to tend and build. New decorating to be done. Will it feel like home, this new place? Of course it will! Home is where the heart is, or so that saying goes. I look forward to turning a new page in our lives; writing a new chapter.

A quote from Katherine Treffinger: "Divine grace and harmony is the only truth at work in our lives. Believe in this and believe nothing we do can block the magic of this and magic will abound."

DEEPLY SADDENED

There is no image today. Today, there are only words. And sad words I'm afraid.

I follow an eclectic group of bloggers. We all write but what we write about and our interests might be totally different. But I like looking at a wide array of blogs that feature poems, art, foods, gardening, interior design, families, etc. There are things that satisfy certain bits of what I find interesting in my own life.

One particular blogger, Justin Evans of the blog Utah Poet has simply stunned me today and saddened to my very core. Justin is a school teacher in Nevada and today he is sharing a sadness that has hit his town. When I read his post today I was struck down so deep to my core that I had a hard time thinking about anything else.

It seems so senseless. One of his students, Micaela Costanzo, age 16, was abducted and they found her body buried in a shallow grave about 5 miles outside of town. How can this kind of thing happen? How does one manage to keep going on after something like this? And how much worse is it for the people who actually knew this wonderful young girl? Justin says that she was a shining star (I think those are my words not his but you'll see what he says about her when you go to his posting).

Death of any kind is always hard to make sense of but something like this seems impossible. I posted yesterday about "impermanence" and "The Four Noble Truths". This is the ultimate in suffering. One of the truths is that "freedom from suffering comes from freeing ourselves from clinging and attachment (or detachment)" but detachment was defined to me as being cold, aloof, a lack of emotion. How can you have any of these in this kind of situation?

It seems so cliche' to say "time heals all". I know from my own personal experience that the farther I get away from something that has hurt me deeply, the easier it is for me to understand it and make sense of it. But forget? Heal? Maybe you do heal but you have a scar that always remains to remind you of that hurt.

I'm sorry Michaela, that you had to go through this. I can't imagine what you and your family had/have to endure. The thought of this happening to my Natalie or my twins would just devastate me. I'm not sure I could find meaning in the rest of my life. But, our lives are a quest while we are here. We each have different roads and different circumstances. And the reality that I know to be true tells me that they are paved with pain and suffering too.

I don't know what else to say except that things like this should not happen. I can't imagine what Justin is experiencing in his classroom, in his town, in his life. I send you love and light. That is something that I can do.

ARE THINGS ALWAYS THE WAY THEY APPEAR?

What did you think when you saw each of these photos? I bet you never thought that they were elements of a tree. A Madrone tree to be exact. These were photos I took a few weekends ago when we were out driving around and got out of the car for a moment to walk the dogs.

Things never appear to be exactly what they look like on the surface. When I soak in my tub and stare out at the trees, I see patterns in the leaves and branches. I see faces; Indians with great feathers. I see smiling faces and sometimes sad faces. I squint and see things that I know are trying to be seen "if only" someone would notice. Well...I notice. I see things in nature that some people don't. That is my gift I think.

"All nature loves an honest person. He need not run after things; they will run after him."

Sri Swami Satchidananda

Russell Simmons says in his book "Super Rich" that "Every one of us has a unique gift that they'd like to share with the world." So true. One of my gifts is this blog. I feel creative here. I feel connected and alive. I learn things from others and I hope that in some way I inspire others too.

I have thought long and hard about my blog, about the photos that I take, about the poetry and words that I write, and about what my message (my gift) is and if I want to keep sharing it or let it drop off the face of the earth as though it never meant anything. I think that I have something to say. I think, like Sri Swami Satchidananda, that all nature loves an honest person. I AM AN HONEST PERSON. Honest to a fault most often. I will not let one or two people who look at my blog dissuade me from being my authentic, honest self. I have value. I have worth.

My friend Karen of "Maggie's Secret Garden" wrote some beautiful words to me today that I would like to share with those of you whom I consider "friends" here on my blog. She wrote this:

"...continue expressing as you do so eloquently with love and share your life with the friends you have made here on the blog. Go on being Teri...the beautiful spirit that you are...continue to come from a place of love in your heart and the universe will take care of the rest."

Thank you Karen! If you didn't live so far away I would drive, run, or walk over and give you a hug. You ARE a dear friend to me. I value your friendship, your words, your sharing. You inspire me, you point me in directions that I never knew existed, you make me perk up and think about possibilities that I never thought of before, and you "get me". What more can someone ask for really!

This fits perfectly into the lesson I heard in church yesterday. The lesson was on The Four Noble Truths and Buddha. Basically this:

1. Living brings suffering
2. Suffering is caused by clinging to impermanence (and everything is impermanent).
3. Freedom from suffering comes from freeing ourselves from clinging and attachment (basically learning to detach).
4. To find this freedom we must follow a path of practice.

The rest of the lesson went on to say: How can you be compassionate and detached at the same time? This seems like a contradiction Pastor Mark said. And, can we appreciate a person even when they don't act the way we want them to? Good questions Mark. I love how your message on Sunday always is EXACTLY what I am wrestling with and need to hear.

The answer I heard: LOOSEN UP OUR GRIP TO MAKE ROOM FOR OTHER POSSIBILITIES. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. RELEASE THEM WITHOUT REJECTING THEIR WORTH.

Even though things are not always the way they appear, I can continue to "go on being Teri" and "expressing". And, as Mark pointed out too, I can "release them". And follow a path or practice.