LONE CROW

Today, I sit here at my computer feeling a bit out-of-sorts; a little blurry sometimes. Beth over at "Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Taken" wrote a post a couple of days ago (look at her archives) regarding when it's not all pretty. She expressed how she felt about a family matter and that she could put up images and "pretend" that things are going well for her right now but that wouldn't be the reality of what was really going on with her at the present time. We all have this fear of not posting our real feelings because we feel that no one wants to read "the bad stuff" and that they will go away.

I feel that exact way right now. Things are a little bumpy right now for me. I have been having some health issues related to my diabetes. Hopefully, its just a minor bump in the road and it will straighten itself out with my help but when it comes to your health or your family, you are really drawn in and hunker down for safety. At least I do. I tend to withdraw and focus. I guess it is that ruminating that helps me get over the hurdle and re-group.

Today, I woke up to a cool breeze and the trees swaying a bit outside my window. It was a pleasant surprise but still I feel a bit out of focus; a bit like the photo of the crow above---perched high above, watching from afar. Dreams during the night seemed to point the way to a resolution but sadly, they are only in my dreams. At least the resolution in my dream was in my favor and that is all I really have anyway, right? After all, it is all my perception that colors my behavior and thoughts.

Reading the book "The Shadow Effect" has me thinking in terms of what I can do to let go of things that I cannot change. According to the book (page 44) "the process begins by acknowledging your feelings, however unwanted, and bringing them to the surface." "So, consider any negative reaction as though it were like an allergy or the flu, something that changes your situation for the moment only. An allergy is yours, but it isn't you. The flu brings misery, but that doesn't mean you are doomed to be a miserable person."

There are statements that are offered that work toward detachment. A few that I like are these:

"I can get through this. It won't last forever."

"I've felt this way before. I can deal with it."

"I'm not alone. I can call someone to help me through this bad patch."

In this case (mine specifically), "calling" means writing on our blogs. Beth says it so eloquently in her post today where she expresses her feelings about the blog world and how everyone reaches out to her. "When it's not all pretty" doesn't have to be forever. It won't last forever but it feels like it will when you're smack dab in the middle of it. Remembering that I've felt this way before and that I can deal with it helps me to hold on to the fact that I know what to do about this and if something new comes up, I have avenues of escape; of help. Phone calls, a doctor visit, classes available, book groups to discuss things with, blogging. It all helps. It is all available to me.

If it is true that I am part of the collective unconscious and "see that [I] you are participating in a shared self, you can also see that every impulse of anger, fear, resentment, and aggression leads directly from you to the collective unconscious and back again." Breaking these cycles seems imperative and at the very least important enough to recognize and work on.

Thanks, Beth, for being brave enough to share your feelings. We are all in this together: this world, this blog world, this consciousness, this life. I truly believe that we are all One. I'm wondering if the word entropy can be employed here to help define what we do and how we react. That will be on my research list next.

"Every emotion is valid in some way or another. But when you add the ingredient of self-judgement, any emotion can be damaging. Love has destroyed lives when it was misplaced, warped, or rejected." (page 47)