|Another one of those photos I received in my email. It says:"Balcony floor 103 in Chicago"|
|And this one: "From the outside it looks like this"|
FEAROne of my fears (and I have many) is a fear of heights. Fear of snakes, fear of dying, fear of flying, and on and on. I know they say the best way to get rid of your fears is to face them head-on. And I am trying, believe me. The older I get, the closer I am getting to that second one: fear of dying. And that old saying "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" is so true. Yet, I'm not so sure if I would climb up to the floor 103 and stand on this balcony. Would you? Isn't Chicago called "the windy city?" And doesn't wind make buildings sway?? I'm not so sure about this "facing it head-on" idea. But, how do I make piece with myself and my "unique expression" in this world?
In reading "Awakening Joy" last week I read a passage about Agnes de Mille relating a conversation she had with Martha Graham in her book "The Life and Work of Martha Graham." It goes like this:
"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares to other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."
If I can understand in my older age that there are many attempts in my life to run away from the feeling of emptiness, then I can repair what is in my background. Self-judgments, fears, emptiness, loneliness...these are all aspects that contribute to the fears. Things I do to compensate for them are destructive . And running away from them doesn't make them go away.
"Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower but is already there in relaxation and letting go." -----Lama Gendun Rinpoche