Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Today I am going to take the advice of Willow (Life at Willow Manor) and write about what is important to me and what is happening in my life.
This moon! This moon keeps me awake all night shining in through my window. This picture was taken last night after dark and I wasn't sure that the moon would actually even show up in the photo but it did. I would say it is about half-full.
Half-full...that is not half-empty. In terms of speaking with a voice that is more positive, when talking about the moon you just automatically do that. "Half-full". "Full moon". These are just two examples of the terminology that we use every day that can determine how we feel without even being aware of it. Have you ever heard yourself say: "My neck is killing me." Just listen to those words carefully. Do you think that if you said it enough times that your body would reward you with just what you have asked for?
I have caught myself thinking lately that I need to be more aware of what I am thinking and saying out loud. I need to edit my thoughts and statements to reflect what I wish to achieve or to have in my life. I consciously put a line through the statement when I hear (or catch) myself saying something that has a negative connotation. The "no" line as in "no whining" "no smoking", etc.
Today, I saw my Endocrinologist and he and I talked about my next plan of attack in regards to my thyroid cancer. We both decided that it would be better to be pro-active and have radioactive iodine treatment in case one of those nasty cancer cells happens to be lingering around inside of me. I can't tell you that I am thrilled about this decision. It is very hard for me to relinquish control and "trust". But, in this case I think that erring on the side of caution and not let this get the best of me is the best choice. I cried today. More than once. But, I need to make my thoughts more in line with what I expect the outcome to be.
Positive thinking? Yes, I'll have a bit of that. Is the glass half-full or half-empty? I am trying to adjust my usual "poor me" attitude and think of it as "lucky me". What if they wouldn't have caught this in the early stages? What if there were no opportunity to treat it medically? No---I am not being punished for something that I said or did throughout my life. It was just luck of the draw. Or is it?
If you believe, like I do, that everything happens for a reason then I have to believe that some good will come out of this whole ordeal. What am I to gain with what I am going through? What do young children have to gain when they are given a cancer diagnosis? I'm sure there are plenty of parents who ask themselves that question all the time. Yet, most of them rise to the occasion and fight with all they have.
I DID notice that gorgeous moon last night. It was rising over you and it was rising over me (perhaps a few hours later or earlier, but all the same, it was rising). And...it was HALF FULL. I refused to see it as empty. It is too beautiful, too ethereal, too transient, too brilliant to be empty. Tonight, when I look at it again and see it growing just a little bit bigger, I will be thinking of all of you who have also spotted it there in the sky and notice that it shines on each one of us the same, just at a different time during the day.
Is that a good thing? You bet! The thoughts that you have sent up to the moon have tracked along the sky inside of this brilliant moon and have landed on me a few hours later. I am awash with the light and the brilliance of this moon. This moon that will not allow me to sleep. This moon that keeps me awake thinking. This moon...it will change everything if I let it. Thank you moon. What I thought was a "negative" thing has turned out to be "positive". And for that I am grateful.
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