Saturday, July 24, 2010


Yesterday was another sad day for us this month. I don't know what is going on but we have lost so many people that we know in the last month and year. More than we have in a long time. Is it the fact that we're just getting older and so the percentage rises? Or is it the fact that time is moving faster, accelerating toward something unknown and as yet undefined? I read about this on other people's blogs and have often wondered about it. Whatever the case may be, it is getting a bit emotional around here and so very, very sad.

It conjures up all those "nasties" inside of me; you know: the ones that make me think how short life is and make me miss those I am estranged from now. It makes me miss my Dad, who committed suicide when I was seven. It makes me think into the future and NOT want to miss anything with my own children or grandchildren. Life is curious that way, isn't it? Are these the lessons we must learn while here? I tend to think "yes".

Karen over at Maggie's Secret Garden had a post a few days ago about a young woman who was killed in an auto accident and pointed us to her blog where her husband wrote the most beautiful tribute to his wife. She left behind two small children. I am always so conflicted with how such a loving god could do this to someones family. Those people needed her. She was so very much loved. I don't want to get into religious discussions about it with anyone because I know that it can never be understood or defined and I certainly could never be convinced otherwise but it certainly makes a person pause and reflect. One thing it DOES do is bring people together. Funny how it's usually weddings (well for me-- not so much) and funerals that bring us together. We always want those we love around us at times of sadness. It's just sad that it takes big events to be the impetus toward that.

On to Averill. Averill was my husband's last living relative from that generation. She was a wonderful woman, full of family history and stories, full of love and generosity, full of life. Until the very end. She never showed her true feelings to us when we would visit her. I'm sure she was in a great amount of pain from her lung cancer but you would have never known it. She was always there smiling when we arrived to visit her. Always telling a joke or a story about her lost love. You see: her husband was shot down in his plane in the Korean war over 60 years ago and she raised two wonderful children, Kent and Kathleen all those years. She was stoic and loving and always fun to be with. Stories were told yesterday of her being the most fun mother on the block, of water fights and sleep-outs in a tree fort, of food that she would make and deliver to them in the tree fort, of animals and nature and all things wonderful. Averill: you will be greatly missed.

If there is an after-life and we get to spend eternity with those we love, I hope that Neal was there waiting for her with open arms and that after the long wait, they can finally be together and share the love that was taken from them so young in life. Life: so many unanswered questions. So many wasted moments holding grudges or feeling animosity or hatred towards those who were once significant in our lives. I look at moments like this, this sadness that I feel today, and hope that there are no regrets when my time comes. Or when someone unexpectedly gets taken from me. We always think we can just live with "no negativity" in our lives UNTIL that one moment, that tragedy arrives that was unpredictable. Life is full of uncertainty and, sorry to say, a bit of negativity. That is the definition of life. If we could predict what MIGHT happen to those around us, we wouldn't have to go through days, weeks, or months of this kind of sadness.

It's easy for some to say that "that's life", explaining it away that "she was old, she lived a good life, etc." but in reality she was a person that still had a lot of life inside of her to give. A lot of love to give. It was taken away from her "unexpectedly" and it was a darn shame.

Rest in peace Averill. Thank you for your love and generosity. Thank you for your life and the impact you made on all those around you. You will truly be missed.


  1. i do believe neal was there waiting on her...sorry about your hubby's relative...have seen much over the last week on the heart gets heavy, but then it reminds us to measure each moment...

  2. Oh Teri, I wish I was there to give you a big hug. This is so sad for you and your family. Brian also think that there is a welcoming committee for her as she as she passed. I think we travel in soul groups and am hopeful that Averill's soul group was ready for her. This has been quite a month for hearing about the loss of many of our friends. I remember when I lost my mom back in '86...her passing actually took my life in a very unexpected direction of spiritual connection to life that faded after time...but I think that with each passing of another soul that I hear brings me back to that place that I held on to so tight. It was the beginning for me of a journey that helped me understand life in a totally different perspective that only grief could have brought me to. So with each loss...I am grateful...both for having the honor and privilege to know them, and to be able to return to the essence of the depth grief gave to me as the reminder to continue following my new unique path of my life. I would have never had that without going through each loss.
    So hold on tight Teri...something good will rise up out of losing your dear Averill. Even it it just might be that she will be part of your welcoming committee you great joy in her being there for you both on earth and in the ether. Sending you my love and sorry for your loss.

  3. Yesterday we went to a memorial for Averill at her church and there was the most beautiful eulogy that was read. I have asked to have it emailed to me so that I may post it for you all to read. I had no idea how fantastic her life had been growing up. She did so many incredible things and was part of a time in life that history was made of. I hope that you all don't get too bored reading it. And, I'm hoping that it will be sent to me soon so that it is current. Karen: I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words and your caring. Funny how a person I have never met "in person" has more compassion and love to send my way than some people I have known all my life. It just goes to show you (in my opinion) that these relationships that we make her on our blogs are SO real, so special. I thank those of you who have voiced concern. Now the mending begins. It was a really long, arduous weekend with lots of tear, lack of sleep, and deep emotional pain. But, like you said: it brought me and B to a place that only grief could have taken us. We met so many family members that we had never known.


    Happy Tuesday!
    Look to see if you like one or two there.


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