THIS PIECE, LOCATED ON MY SIDEBAR, WAS A COLLAGE I MADE YEARS AGO FOR A FATHER'S DAY SHOW IN SACRAMENTO. IT WAS PURCHASED AT THE GALLERY SO I DON'T HAVE IT IN MY POSSESSION ANY LONGER BUT I CAN DESCRIBE IT FOR YOU AND WHAT I INTENDED TO SHOW IN THIS PIECE.
MY FATHER COMMITTED SUICIDE WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD. TODAY, BEING FATHER'S DAY, MAKES ME THINK OF ALL THE YEARS THAT I HAVE LIVED WITHOUT HIM IN MY LIFE; ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVE MISSED ABOUT NOT HAVING A FATHER.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO FOCUS ON THAT BECAUSE I FEEL THAT IT WAS HIS LOSS, NOT MINE. HE HAS MISSED MORE THAN I HAVE AND ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVE ENJOYED ALL MY LIFE, INCLUDING MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN.
THIS PIECE, IF YOU CLICK ON IT, SHOWS A PHOTO OF MY FATHER AND IN FRONT OF HIM YOU WILL NOTICE A NOOSE. IT IS OBVIOUS WHAT THAT IS ABOUT. THERE ARE ALSO IMAGES OF CEMETERIES, BONES, AND THE ENTIRE PIECE IS MOUNTED ON A PIECE OF PAPER THAT I CUT TO RESEMBLE A TAKE-OUT BOX. THE REASON FOR THIS IS BECAUSE IT REPRESENTS ALL THE "LEFTOVERS" IN MY LIFE ASSOCIATED WITH HIS CHOICE TO NO LONGER BE A PART OF IT. THINGS THAT I HAD TO SORT OUT AND DEAL WITH MY ENTIRE LIFE. SOME OF THEM I AM STILL DEALING WITH BUT SOME OF THEM HAVE GONE BY THE WAYSIDE, WORKED OUT AND DISCARDED. AFTER ALL, THEY WERE JUST "LEFTOVERS". LEFTOVERS EVENTUALLY GO BAD AND YOU HAVE TO THROW THEM AWAY.
I SEWED MANY STRIPS OF FABRIC TOGETHER WHICH TO ME REPRESENT THE OBVIOUS PART OF THE TITLE: DADDY'S TIE. BUT IF YOU LOOK FURTHER, SPECIFICALLY AT THE NOOSE, THAT IS THE REAL DEFINITION OF THE TITLE.
IN THE VERY CENTER OF THE COLLAGE IS AN AREA OF BLUE. THIS IS FROM THE BLUE PRINTS OF OUR HOUSE...THE HOUSE THAT MY DAD BUILT FOR US AND WHERE HE TOOK HIS LIFE. IT WAS NECESSARY TO PUT IT IN THE CENTER. IN SO MANY WAYS HE WAS THE CENTER OF OUR LIVES. THEN, IN AN INSTANT, IT WAS OVER. BUT REMAINED AT THE CENTER OF OUR THOUGHTS FOR MANY, MANY YEARS.
TODAY I THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR FATHERS AND THOSE WHO HAVE NOT. FATHERS ARE SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF A CHILD'S LIFE. ALL THOSE SECURE FEELINGS THAT A FATHER PROVIDES, THAT SAFETY, THOSE STRONG ARMS AND ADVICE, ARE NECESSARY TO THE HEALTHY ATTITUDE THAT A CHILD TAKES INTO THE FUTURE IN MY OPINION. IF A FATHER DOESN'T EXIST, THEN A ROLE MODEL NEEDS TO BE IN PLACE. FORTUNATELY FOR ME, I HAD A WONDERFUL GRANDFATHER FOR MANY, MANY YEARS. HE WAS MY ROCK.
I HOPE THAT ALL OF YOU HAVE A HAPPY FATHER'S DAY AND EXPRESS TO YOUR FATHERS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM. LIFE IS SO SHORT AND WE NEED TO BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT AND APPRECIATE WHAT WE HAVE IN THIS MOMENT. HAVE NO REGRETS FOR WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SAID AND DIDN'T AND WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE AND DIDN'T.
((teri)) i am sorry you lost your father so early and in such a hard way...emotive piece for sure...all the symbolism...i am glad that grandfather was there..
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your father. This piece is absolutely amazing. So happy you stopped by today.
ReplyDeleteYour post could be a book, it says so much. I had never looked at the detail of Daddy's Tie before or realized how much was being said in it...thank you for sharing the details on this day for us. Both my dad and my step-dad have passed on, and I wish they could see me now, too...
ReplyDeleteWow! This is powerful, Teri. My father was troubled but he was there for my sister and I. He always kept trying.
ReplyDeleteI have seen this piece (Daddy's Tie) on your side bar before. I would read below the picture that you did it on a food take-out container. I never really understood the significance of it all before this post.
I sense that this artwork was very cathartic... the post too.
"AFTER ALL, THEY WERE JUST "LEFTOVERS". LEFTOVERS EVENTUALLY GO BAD AND YOU HAVE TO THROW THEM AWAY." is a devastating statement.
You did more than throw them away. You made them into something new... you move into the "now", as painful as it was, and made some peace with this man and yourself.
I just want to put my arms around you and say I'm proud of you.
I am sorry you lost your father in this way.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it seems that this would be easier to cope with if illness or an accident had taken them, against their will.
But the pain he suffered was overpowering and he chose to end it his way.
The hard part to get around is that when someone is at that point, they can only think of leaving, not of staying, not of those who are there, just relief from living. It is terrible, it is heartbreaking and damages so many people.
I am so glad you had a grandfather who was there for you .. You never know, if your father had lived and been miserable, how would your life have been ? would you have had the lovely relationship with your grandfather ? would things have been better or worse ?
You are right. Life is too short for regrets and this is a regret that you could not help to begin with .. it was not something you did ..
Oh, Teri, that breaks my heart - and I am not all that easily touched. I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings. I just want to hug you.
ReplyDeleteHey Teri, some of these " holidays" can be so tough. You shared a heart full here and I thank you for that. Sending love & light your way.
ReplyDeleteDear Teri, that is such a painful experience for a seven year old to endure .... Right in the middle of the most formative years of childhood. I think your art piece is a testament to the power of art to really let inexpressible feelings and emotions have a place to be let out and expressed. So many years later your seven year old self was able to have her say.
ReplyDeleteIt's an interesting piece too, because when I first saw it and your post title, I thought it was a crazy quilt made with silk neckties. You did a beautiful job creating something out of thoughts, feelings, memories and pain. Beauty out of ashes.
so much here... so very very well expressed. it's quite obvious that you've worked through much pain to become a person of love, and i greatly admire that. you could easily have made other choices. i like what kimmie said, too, about your collage. it really does express "beauty out of ashes."
ReplyDeletewow Teri that is amazing, the thought and the feelings that have gone into that piece. Do you wish you still had it? Or is it better that it was sold, I am wondering? Amazing story and so wonderful how you were able to put it into a piece of art.
ReplyDelete