This is a photo of me with my Dad at the house that he built for us on Henry Lane. Most of my memories regarding my Dad are in photos or are things that I have heard from other family members; things like the fact that he was left-handed. I don't remember that about him. I don't remember a lot about him. He committed suicide when I was seven.
Yes, I could have just said that he died when I was seven but that doesn't tell the whole story really. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sad for me. I had a really great Grandfather that stepped in for him and was there for most of my life. He died when my daughters were around 4 or 5 so I feel really blessed to have had him in my life for such a long time.
And, I had a really great step-father who understood me in ways my own mother did not. He, unfortunately, has passed away also. I miss him too. The older we get the smaller the circle becomes, doesn't it!
It makes me sad that I have missed the love of my father; that he felt that his life was not worth living. I would have told him if he would have asked me. All I can do at this stage of my life is say that I forgive him for leaving me. That I forgive him for what he put everyone through. Things happen for a reason, or so they say. What I can do is wish all the fathers that I know (and don't know) a Happy Father's Day and remind you of what you have and to not take advantage of it. The time you share with your children is precious and they deserve the best that you can give to them. I hope that you all have a really joyous day.
Dear Teri,
ReplyDeleteI could not sleep, though I am very tired, so I decided to visit a few blogs I have not seen for some time since I began my leave of absence.
Your post is precious because it is unvarnished and truthful, while honouring a memory. My father was mostly absent from my life and I promised I would make a difference with my children and though I believe I have, I feel I could have done more, especially these last few years.
The relationship between fathers and their children has been improving, especially when we compare it to our own childhood, and though much more needs to be done, I fear the bonds may never be as they are between a mother and her child or children.
I am sorry for having gone of the beaten path with my ramblings, I was just remembering the relationship with my parents.
Wishing you a wonderful Sunday and peace in your life,
Egmont
smiles. thanks for the reminder...gonna make the most of every moment...
ReplyDeleteThis was a very moving piece, especially since my own is living, but in a very real way has left me, as well.
ReplyDeleteTeri,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you had to go through that at such a young age. I can relate to this through my own children's loss of their father at a young age. It was very difficult for them, and my heart feels for you..what I felt for them. I have also experienced the tragedy of suicide. My brother in law took his life 4 years ago and it has left my sister and my family with a real sense of loss filled with questions that will never be answered.
I now understand why I feel you are such kindred spirit...because from my own experiences...I find those that have endured these things in their lives learn to live life at a much deeper level than most. You are never at the surface with things...the depth of your soul pours out on this blog. That which you hold close has meaning...adding a richness some will never know.
I wish things had been different for you as a child...but I realize you are the woman you are today because of the obstacles you have faced. And I am privileged to be your blog friend.
Happy Solstice day. May your day be filled with light and love.